Seriously not needing anymore flatscreens, and being of such an age and technological sophistication that I only buy flatscreens that pass the, "But how does it look if I drop 250,000 rubber balls down a San Francisco hill?" test, I decide I'm not going to spend a thousand dollars on three flatscreens from Kirkland or whoever, we go buy an entire office partyful of Brie instead, a 550g wheel which, embarrassingly, is almost gone not 4.5 days later.

But here's the thing about buying a 3lb jar of Skippy [1] peanut butter. No one has a knife long enough to reach the bottom, and you can't just toss it out and open the other 3lb jar it was shrinkwrapped together with, because a) there's like a depression or something in the news, b) why go all the way to Costco to save 50 cents on a year's supply of peanut butter if you're just going to toss it, and c) in fact, that blob down there is actually like half a regular jar from the deli; it only looks like a small amount because it's at the bottom of a peanut butter bucket.

Labels: blogs, costco, funny

Thea told us, "You boys have no idea how far this show is going to go. One day you'll be in national syndication. You'll be making real money. You wait and see."

Her prophecy came true. The day we fully realized it in our guts, I think, was the first time we were invited to appear with Johnny Carson. We were scared out of our minds. We'd been briefed on likely questions by one of the show's writers, but moments before airtime he popped his head into the dressing room and said, "Johnny may ask you for some of your favorite movies this year."

Gene and I stared at each other in horror. "What was one of your favorite movies this year?" he asked me. "Gone With the Wind," I said. The Doc Severinsen orchestra had started playing the famous "Tonight Show" theme. Neither one of us could think of a single movie. Gene called our office in Chicago. "Tell me some movies we liked this year," he said. This is a true story.

Labels: blogs, movies, writing

Labels: blogs, ohio, politics

I suggest a game show, So You Think You Can Be President? SYTYCBP would have at least three segments.

1. Coase it Out: Presidential candidates have 12 hours to get a bitterly divorcing couple to divide their assets in a mutually agreeable manner. (Bonus points are awarded if the candidate convinces the couple to stay together.)

Labels: blogs, comedy, politics

Labels: blogs, joe klein, politics, time

Labels: blogs, legislation, ohio, schools