This is THE POKY LITTLE PUPPY.

It is the story of five puppies who dug a hole under their fence and went for a walk in the wide, wide world. Their mother, of course, is angry, and sends four of hem to bed without any dessert each time she catches them — but the last puppy (henceforth “Poky”) comes home late, after everyone is asleep, and eats up all of the desserts. The other four puppies get tired of being sent to bed, so when they’re caught the last time, they fill up the hole and are surprised by their mother, who then gives them all the dessert they could want. Unfortunately, however, this has the effect of leaving Poky in the lurch, and when he has to sneak back in to the yard through a different hole in the fence, they’ve eaten up all the dessert and he gets bupkes. “What a pity you’re so poky!” his mother says.

Here are the questions for you budding English lit majors to ponder upon:

1) Unless their mother is quite blind, she knows that someone’s dug a hole under the fence. Logic would dictate that it was done by one or all of her five children. Why, then, would she make dessert for them? Followup question: what does she think happened to it each morning?

2) Are dog’s senses so keen and accurate that they can hear/see/smell dessert being spooned into their bowls from at least a mile away?

3) Why are the four puppies rewarded for covering their tracks?

4) Assuming for a moment that there is a lesson to be learned here, is it a) digging holes is bad, but being late (“poky”) is worse; b) puppies are suckers for strawberry shortcake; c) selling out your poky sibling is okay if you get dessert out of it; or d) it’s a kids’ book, stupid?

TOMORROW: The implications of cultural politics in RANDOLPH, THE BEAR WHO SAID “NO!” Class dismissed.

Jeremy sends this along:

“Star Wars” creator George Lucas has offered to send Imperial stormtroopers to escort the fan encampment at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood to the ArcLight cinema complex for the first screening of “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” at 12:01 a.m. Thursday.

But there are refuseniks in the ranks.

The fan line, which numbers some 200 of the most ardent “Star Wars” devotees, is holding forth at Grauman’s in hopes Lucas’ latest and final installment will screen at the theater there, where the five previous episodes opened. But Lucas has contracted to unveil the film at the ArcLight, a mile away on Sunset Boulevard.

…But not all the Grauman’s die-hards will join the march. The 200 registered place-holders represent some 600 fans, of which about 150 are refuseniks who will either remain on Hollywood Boulevard in a candlelight vigil or plan to catch a midnight screening in Westwood or elsewhere in Hollywood.

“A lot of us are set to go with the stormtroopers, but some decided to politely say no thank you,” said “Star Wars” camper Jerry Anderson, 27, a Los Angeles college student who’s been on line since April 2. “It’s heartbreaking. The series opened here (in 1977) – why not end it here?”

Best family photo EVAR.

[via steve pheley]

Here’s something interesting: “Children cannot hit [slowly-pitched] balls because their brains are not wired to handle slow motion.”

From the news article/press release:

“When you throw something slowly to a child, you think you’re doing them a favour by trying to be helpful,” said Terri Lewis, professor of psychology at McMaster University. “Slow balls actually appear stationary to a child.”

This explains why a young child holding a bat or a catcher’s mitt will often not react to a ball thrown toward her, prompting flummoxed parents to continue throwing the ball even slower. By adding a little speed to the pitch, Lewis and her team found that children were able to judge speed more accurately. There are several reasons for the phenomenon.

“Our brain has very few neurons that deal specifically with slow motion and many neurons that deal with faster motion,” says Lewis. “Even adults are worse at slow speeds than they are at faster speeds. The immature neurons in a child’s brain make a child especially poor at judging slow speeds — immaturity disadvantages the few neurons that are responsible for seeing slow speeds more so than the many neurons responsible for seeing faster speeds. Once the brain develops to maturity, it becomes more adept at handling slower speeds.”

Which I would like to claim is the reason I am crap at the plate in softball — “my brain isn’t wired that way” — but something tells me I probably couldn’t hit a Big Unit pitch, either, so that’s probably out.

Kroger’s, last night. Don’t ask me why. Also, it was super-packed, and both Spider-Man and Ernie the Keebler Elf were wandering around the store, having their picture taken and freaking out babies.

The entrance to the National Zoo, Washington, DC.

The turret on the side of our office.

I knew my untidy habit had some really, really good explanation:

Revealed: the five star signs behind the dirtiest cars on the block

Sun May 8, 7:08 PM ET

LONDON (AFP) – Drivers born under the signs of Libra, Cancer, Pisces, Taurus, Capricorn are least likely to keep their cars clean, according to a survey that explores the astrological roots of motoring cleanliness.

That sure explains a LOT. Do you think my sign can also explain why I can’t keep my room clean, either?